I’m going to get real on this whole relationship thing again. This part is perhaps a little more uncomfortable and probably won’t be as well received, but as with most things, I would rather just be honest and straightforward. A harsh (or sometimes not harsh at all!) reality about love and relationships is that sometimes you fall for more than one person. You love people to various degrees. It could be friends, it could be crushes, it could be lovers. Everyone has the power to decide how they personally want to handle that inevitability and how it fits into their lives. For many people, their comfort zone and happiness lies in monogamy. Their brain just works that way! Trust may be hard-earned, and there is a certain kind of security and devotion present in monogamy. There’s also the obvious fact that this is the default expectation we are held to, but we probably all know how I feel about societal norms.
On the other hand, various forms of polyamorous and open relationships are also perfectly viable structures when it comes to interacting with those you love. And here’s where it gets personal. I have been slowly coming around to acknowledge that this is likely the path for me. The exact structure is unspecified, but I do know that monogamy is not my thing.
It’s unnecessary for me to air out all of the things that happened internally in my relationship with Webber, and I would not at all say that this was the cause of our separation. Many things led us there. But in the whirlwind that is life, the whirlwind that doesn’t give a shit if you’re trying to handle one thing at a time, the whirlwind that doesn’t care how this will look like to the rest of the world, I fell in love with someone. And this is something that no one really talks about. I think it probably happens more than any of us let on. Some things happen that cause you to be uprooted from your familiar nesting ground. It has taken me a long time, even since before this person came around, for me to determine what to do about my relationship with Webber. There’s so much internal struggle that no one knows. And now I have found myself in a new relationship, afraid to really tell the world that I let this happen. I’m experiencing simultaneous feelings of heavy mournfulness over the ended relationship, love and contentment from the new relationship, and massive feelings of shamefulness over it all. Basically I feel like a jerk. I am afraid what you all, my dear friends, will think. I counter all of this with the belief that I am doing the best I can to extend kindness and courtesy while also not shorting or stifling myself. I hope that I am doing okay. I hope that Webber is doing okay. I hope you all will understand.
