The rain feels amazing today.

Trying to stay on top of what I'm feeling is like trying to stake down a nomadic tribe. A mound of rolling lava that only cools temporarily. So, am I trying to deny what I'm feeling when I should not, or am I denying it because it isn't real? Is it merely a combination of perfect timing and flattery?

I think at this point, it's a... let's wait and see.

One feeling is for certain... the lust to open my flesh. Needles, hooks, what have you. Whether it's a control thing, since I'm having little control over the thoughts flitting through my head... or it's a physical symbol for emotional pain... or it's a test... a punishment... a reward... so many variables, maybe it's a little of everything. Does it matter?

I'm still working on understanding why I'm taking something happy and comforting and turning it into torture.