Okay, I've been reading these xanga posts for three fuckin' hours (and that's just today, not including yesterday), and they just don't end! There's gotta be a bazillion posts from '02-'07 on there. There's some gems in there, but for the most part, it's me gushing over boys like a... well... horny 16 year old. And if the post isn't about whatever five dudes I'm eyefucking, it's about music. In the event of the post I just came across- the second time I saw Flogging Molly- I'm swooning over the drunk kiss the bassist gave me.
Hey, it's good to see things haven't changed much, you know?
But it is really rad to see all the things I was frustrated over, all the things that pissed me off in my life- I don't have to worry about them anymore. My dad being overprotective? No problem now! Can't dye my hair or get piercings? Up yours! Always pining over dudes that don't give me the time of day? Fuck 'em! (Or don't!) Dreaming of living in an apartment in the city, possibly with a studio, where I can do whatever I want, whenever I want? Check! I seemed to talk a lot about vegetarianism, though I never seriously considered it until years later. Also, a bass guitar was mentioned a few times... I had forgotten that this was more than just a recent interest.
One of the most important things that I realized while looking back on this, though, is the fact that my dreams have held true over the years. I have always steered away from paths that compromised them. I am lucky to have parents that are supportive, even when I ditched my sweet job at the Science Museum for a piercing apprenticeship. (Fuckin' Science Museum was very particular about how I primped myself and acted around customers. They like me just how I am, you just didn't think they would. Fuck you!) Alright, well, come to find out the tattoo/piercing industry is about the equivalent of the hair industry. Same amount of gossip, same amount of conceited bullshit. But hey, I could do me. In fact, I was actually able to learn a lot more about me. I know appearance doesn't make a huge difference- I can still be whatever I want regardless of how I look- but man, appearance sure does help you feel a bit more true. I've also considered my body one of the few things that has always been mine, and mine alone, so once I finally had free reign on it, it was an empowering experience. It was the last step of taking control of my own life. Every needle transforms, and every color on my body, on my head- they are me. Shit, I look at the crazy ass clothes I used to wear in high school- it was my necessary way of releasing the colors in my head. (Oooo.... colors...)
My recent exploration of myself has been shaving my head. I've had a multicolored bob for a few years now, and I have always wanted to shave my head in some way. I always thought it'd be a mohawk or something, but I was wrong. I was at my lovely hairstylist/secondmother/mostbadassfuckingwomanever, Melissa's, house, and I told her I wanted to shave off just a wee bit of my hair in the back. A little asymmetrical thing, if you will, even though I tend to go for balance. She did it, and well, it was just not enough. Fuckit, shave more! Okay, well, now I have a cowlick on my head that is elongating my cranium like whoa. Shave that off too.... more.... well, after shaving 3/4 of my head, I now have what is essentially a chelsea. I have never had such difficulty submitting to a hairstyle, though. I didn't know if I was going to look good in such a cut- I was convinced my skull would look weird if I shaved too much. Well, go figure, I look damn awesome, and now, the world is mine!
Hail Seitan! Warbringer just came on my stereo, and I have a strong urge to thrash my tits off!
Anyway, the best part about this shave, though, is the public. The one reaction I've gotten the most? "I wish I could do that!" Wait... what? Do you need help? Shall I wield the clippers for you and hack away at your tender, sacred locks myself? Nope, that's not it.
"I wish my job would let me!" Okay, that's valid enough. I'll just nod and mourn the death of your life with you. But if you're not willing to take chances, you're probably just going to stay in the same job 'cuz you're all comfortable and stuff. At that point, you're just blowing steam. But there are a lot of rad people I know that have cool jobs, so this one's hit or miss.
"I wish I had the guts to do that!" Hm. Can't help you on that one. Tequila, maybe?
Which brings me to the other question I most often get: "Why did you do that?"
What do you mean, why? Why the fuck not?!
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